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  1. #1

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    May 2015
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    Default Crazy roommate stories

    Its like 1989. I'm an E5 in the Army and just settled a painful divorce. 'Bout the only thing I had left was my scoot.

    I rode allot back then outside of Ft Bragg, (Fayetteville, NC) and titty bars were the place for me. Hell, I'd eat at them for Sat and Sunday brunch just to save bucks, you know, finger foods and such (AKA garbage).

    So I am basically broke and I meet an E8 at work, good man, he was about to retire in afew months. He says, "Hey, come live at my place, no rent, stay until you get your $$ back together.

    So I take my one bag and bike, show up, he lives in like a 5 bedroom house, nice place.

    And my roomates were 4 titty dancers, his girlfriend being the 5th one.......... He met his GF about 3 months prior, about 20 yrs younger than him (Great Job!) and of course, his GF invites the girls she works with to stay at the house as well

    Now I know what your are thinking........ Great, right?...... WHATEVER!

    So I move in..... First, as if you didnt know, these girls have baggage. Ok, no prob... But as time goes on, here is what I observed......

    Facts:

    1. They sleep until like 3:00 pm.

    2. They will then eat you out of house and home... I mean these girls ate like it was blueberry pancake day at the end of Ranger School. And none of these girls were even close to being chubby. There they would all be, all decked out in nothing but panties and no top at times, and eat like there was no tomorrow when they woke up. It got so bad I got a small fridge from the Team Room and used it in my room to keep frozen burritos. I got a used microwave too, because even my instant ramen wasnt safe from those raptors

    3. And man, they would really tell you their stories. And yes, I took emotional advantage of 3 of them

    They would bitch and fight with each other on an every other day basis. And man, I hated it when I'd get home about 6:30 pm, and there they would be, raising hell, OR sometimes they would slide up to me an help me relax from the day..........

    It was Heaven and Hell


    So..........

    About a month or so after I moved in, my Buddy retires from the Army and comes up and says he and his GF would be gone for a couple of weeks, could I watch things?... No prob.

    So he comes back with his GF, and the next week, all sorts of deliveries start coming in: New washer/dryer, new car, new fridge, etc, etc. Then the kicker. He buys a BAR.... And of course, his GF starts to manage it. A bunch of us start going to the bar, and man, folks start racking up huge bar tabs. And his GF would just hand them drinks out. Coke was a big deal then and it started showing up at the bar and then the house. Not my thing, so about 2 weeks after the bar purchase I moved out, back into the barracks..........

    Eventually I lost tabs on my man........ But as local bar talk goes, you start hearing shit........

    The talk was, is that my man's GF was wanted as a material witness against some mob guy up north that was her then BF. She got caught in some minor crime, and the feds worked her into a material witness. We all knew she was from up there, but didnt know why she had left.

    But apparently, as the big court date started coming closer, she started to skim off her then BFs money, not planning to go to court, but instead to haul ass. So she buries her then BFs money in mason jars in some shithole plot in the Meadows, and hauls ass south........ This is like a few weeks before she meets my man

    So I'm thinking, how in Fuck can a retired E8 afford all that shit? Well, they went back up north and dug up the $$$$, thats how

    Not much later, I move out, loose touch with my man, the bar closes down not much later

    Like three years later I found out what happenend: The IRS was looking at him for all the large purchases, and the bar was the clincher. They arrest him and his GF a few months after I moved out. GF is wanted of course and is taken away back North.

    The fedsy turned my man (held on various fed charges) and used him as a rat. He was actually used on that big yacht drug bust the feds had in the 80's down in Florida. Not the big bust seen on the news, but it was the same boat used in that bust, but a few months later

    Move to about a year later: I'm looking in the local paper, and there he is. He was being a rat again for a local coke buy, it goes bad, he gets shot by the cops while hauling ass. Eventually goes to gladiator school......

    Sure do miss the dancers......
    Last edited by docmel; 07-25-2022 at 1:37 PM. Reason: spelling

  2. #2
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    Great story! Free rent including 5 ho's and occasional benefits with 3 of them does sound good on the surface (as along as you don't hang around too long... That could get emotionally expensive after a while.)

  3. #3

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    Yeah

    I was there for about 2-3 months, and beleive it or not, it was getting old. Not allot of sleep, and eventually, all sorts of strangers starting showing up at the house doing blow.

    But like I said, I sho' did miss the dancers though....................

  4. #4

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    “I take strippers out to breakfast, you can add that to my checklist” - Kid Rock

  5. #5

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    Ok, never heard of Gladiator school, what's that???

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by docmel View Post
    ...
    And my roomates were 4 titty dancers
    ...
    As soon as I read this part I knew all my roommate stories would pale in comparison

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by docmel View Post
    Then the kicker. He buys a BAR....
    Who else got to this part of the story and first thought: Browning Automatic Rifle? Suh-weeeeeeet!!!

    Kevin

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    Quote Originally Posted by kestrou View Post
    Who else got to this part of the story and first thought: Browning Automatic Rifle? Suh-weeeeeeet!!!

    Kevin
    Surely it would have been interesting if...

  9. #9

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    Prison

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by docmel View Post
    Prison
    Geeze. In the Navy we just send all our retired Senior Chiefs to San Diego ( and they can take all their Filipina dancers and blow with them ).

  11. #11
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    I was sharing a house with a wildlife artist that got us kicked out by letting his hawks kill chickens in the front yard.
    Dusty

  12. #12

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    "Gladiator" school means prison.

    Had another roomy that would take all his bottles, milk cartons, etc in the shared fridge and mark them with a marker so he could see if someone had drank any...... In this case three of us lived there, and one day myself and the other roomy drank all his shit and placed the empties back. The guy comes home and looses his shit while we laughed our asses off

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    wow what a crazy few months you had. If it were me I would have gotten
    the small fridge in the bedroom as well, & a good lockable door!

    When I was about 28 y.o. I lived with a woman (about 26 y o) & Her boyfriend, &
    2 other people (a young woman & another dude) It was a huge house.

    She owned a bar in Redondo beach, Right at the Harbor. we lived about a 1/4 mile
    away. I hung out there allot, shot pool on Her pool team, dated one of the barmaids, & even flipped
    burgers & poured beer if one of the girls didn't show up work work.
    She would always bring customers to Our pad after closing time (2am) & there was always
    coke being snorted, along with plenty of booze.
    We shared one large fridge, & my food was always getting eaten. Fuck I hate that!
    I usually did not join Her in the all night parties, because I was working construction 6 days
    a week & needed to get my rest, & I was not a fan of cocaine. My roomate would
    get really fucked up on that shit.
    oh yeah, & one night the dude that had the room next to mine brings home this woman
    & sleeps with Her(doing the wild thing) & the next morning I walk into the kitchen
    to make coffee & the girl walks in & She is one of my old girlfriends that I recently dumped. hah!
    She was a real hottie (latina) but I got tired of Her heavy drug use, which ended
    up cutting Her life short, later on. (I tried).

  14. #14

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    At a job I had in the past, there was a break room for the employees. It was really nice, had one of those cup maker coffee things, always stocked, free water, free snacks, etc, and a community fridge.

    One week food started to get eaten: And I mean it was done just to piss people off.

    A sandwich would have just one bite taken out of it, and a post it would be left on the sandwich that would say things like "Yummy!!" or "Needs more mayo", things like that... Myself, I thought it was funny till it happened to me a few days later.....

    The next day after my sandwich was bitten into, the boss calls us in after his meal also gets tasted and says, "It has to stop or he will remove the fridge", unless someone has a better idea.....

    So I say, "No Prob, I have an idea that I have already put into play" Boss says, "So what plan?"

    I say: "Well, since this has been going on for a couple of weeks, I placed a sandwich in it that a small amount of smeared shit in it. So now just wait until someone calls in sick".

    Everyone cracks up except one person in the group that keeps a serious face on and says, "Isnt that illegal"?
    I say "Its my meal, I can do what I want with it"

    BUSTED!!!!!!!!


    And I didnt even really do it

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    I knew a guy that was having stuff getting eaten, So He made a sandwich, using some mayonaise
    that He let sit in the sun all day, and no refrigeration for a couple days. He then set the baited sandwhich
    out, & the
    'wich got eaten, & somebody called in sick.
    He also made some brownies & put exlax laxative in a couple of them to be placed
    in the community fridge. That way, the culprit has stuff coming out both ends!

  16. #16
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    I have been cursed with type 2 diabetes. The last place I worked before retiring, in our shop office desk drawer, somebody always had hard candy in it, like jolly rogers. So I brought in those, individually wrapped life savers, that use sucralose instead of sugar for sweetness.
    Each wrapper had a warning of excessive use has a laxative effect, lol. But those clear wrappers with fine print were disregarded, lol.
    I told them dudes, the other mechanics, they were for me because of my predisposition being diabetic.
    But once they tried one, they had to eat them all, and if you ever try one, they are so sweet delicious, but only have 1 or 2!

    The look on their faces when they realized what their culprit was that gave them the Montezuma revenge on the crapper was priceless.

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