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Thread: bad jokes

  1. #1
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    Default bad jokes

    Heard this at a metal show last night:

    What makes jam and jelly different?

    You cant jelly your dick into a corpse's mouth.

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    Man comes home from work,

    WOMAN!!! Today we're going to have some good rape sex!
    She: NO FUCKING WAY!!
    Him: Good girl that's the spirit.

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    Someone just knocked on the door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans.
    I said "Fuck that, with my luck I'd probably win one"

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    Wino ridin cross town on a city bus. Wino is broke, sober and hurtin, suddenly Wino sees a little old lady sittin a few seats up and intermittently she removes a half pint size bottle from her purse, puts it up to her mouth, and returns it to her purse. Wino says , I'm gonna get some of that. So Wino edges up seat by seat until the guy sittin by the little old lady leaves. Wino dives into her seat, reaches in her purse, grabs the bottle, and kills about half of it. Wino says, My god woman, thats the awfullest tasting shit ever, what was that? She says, I have tuberculosis and that was my spit up bottle.

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    How do you fit 10 babies in a coffee can?
    Use a blender
    How do you get them out?
    Tortilla chips

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    Jesus is walkin down the road one day, and he runs acroos his old buddy moses. the two shoot the shit for a few, and moses says, "lets go fishin tomorrow, ill bring the wine" next day they meet up, hit the water, and the wine starts a flowin. Jesus say to moses," you still do that partin the water thing"? "sure" says moses, and he stands in the boat and holds his arms wide. the clouds turn dark, the wind starts blowin, and the seas part, givin moses the chance to grab some lunch. "nice" says Jesus. Moses asks, "what about you, young fella, you still do that walkin on the water thing"? "im Jesus" says Jesus. so he stands on the side of the boat, takes a step, and sinks straight to the bottom. ol moses jumps in, pulls him out. gets him in the boat and says, "what happened, man"? "i forgot about those holes in my feet" says J.

    probably gonna burn in hell for that one.

  7. #7

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    Has anyone played the michael brown drinking game...

    You just stand there and take six shots

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    Quote Originally Posted by rumblebelly View Post
    Has anyone played the michael brown drinking game...

    You just stand there and take six shots
    Heard all this... I live about 4 miles from Ferguson... So on that note.. How many black guys does it take to start a riot? -1

  9. #9

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    What do you call a queer in a wheelchair?? roll-aids

    why doesn't Santa stop at jewish houses? the parking meter on the roof

    What do you call a van full of nuns? virgin mobile

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    Q.Why do the scottish wear kilts? A. Because the sound of the zipper scares the sheep away. Q. How do you fit a 100 people in a VW? A. 2 germans in the front, 3 in the back, and 95 jews in the ashtray.

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    What's brown and sounds like a bell?



    Dung.

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    What has 9 arms and sucks?


    Def leopard 👌

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    Q. What's the difference between a oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? A. The taste.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rumblebelly View Post
    Has anyone played the michael brown drinking game...

    You just stand there and take six shots
    That's a "good" one lol

    Here this one which you wouldn't be able to tell in Germany...


    A bunch of Israeli tourists try to find their way to visit Auschwitz Concentration camp to visit the place were so many Jews lost their life's during WW2, the bus driver pulls over and asks an old man for directions.

    Bus driver: Hi, I have a bus load of tourists from Israel who want to visit Auschwitz, any chance you could point me into the right direction?

    Old man: Well, you stay on this road and you take the next right than right again and last left, you should see the big gates, but I am not sure if they are still operational.

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    why can't a motorcycle stand up by its self?

    because it's TWO tired..

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    what's the worst part about eating your vegetables ?



    getting them out of the wheelchair...

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    What's green and has 4 wheels?

    Grass, I lied about the wheels.

  18. #18
    Jetblack
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    Quote Originally Posted by sdsbassist View Post
    Heard this at a metal show last night:

    What makes jam and jelly different?

    You cant jelly your dick into a corpse's mouth.
    You can if you finish

  19. #19
    Jetblack
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    Quote Originally Posted by loddytoddy View Post
    why can't a motorcycle stand up by its self?

    because it's TWO tired..
    My elderly friend Harry loves saying this one ALL the time, needless to say if it doesn't make you go uuuugh the first time by the 1000th time as soon as you hear the delivery start... "Why can't a motorcy-" you either run off out of ear shot or pull a gun and contemplate an ear shot.

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    What's the best part of fucking a 4 year old?
    Your cock looks so big in their hands.

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