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  1. #1
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    Default Funny stuff you hear in the military

    Reddit post with some classic shit

    https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c..._in_boot_camp/

    One of our warrant officers took my glasses, drawn a crosshair on one of the lenses and introduced me as a "future soldier" to a colonel who was inspecting our training.
    We had this awesome Staff Sergeant in AIT who brought a sledgehammer he named Mjolnir everywhere with him. If he caught you fucking up, he would hand you the hammer and tell you to go dig a hole with it.
    My battle buddy and I were ordered to dig holes, so when were about to the waist he proceeded to turn on a hose. He started to fill the holes with water and told us to stay in the hole. Another ds walks by and asks him what he's doing. He says " I'm watering my petunias "

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    The meeting will be at 1200 per Commanders request; 1st Sgt requests your presence at the same meeting at 1130; Chief tells you to show up at the same meeting at 1100. The LT wants you there at 0900.

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    As aircraft techs, we were all about sending the new guy off to look for left handed screwdrivers, sky hooks, skirting board ladders, left handed rope, palletiser driving test etc

    Or down to the photography section for his ID-10-T photo

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarge View Post
    As aircraft techs, we were all about sending the new guy off to look for left handed screwdrivers, sky hooks, skirting board ladders, left handed rope, palletiser driving test etc

    Or down to the photography section for his ID-10-T photo
    Don't forget the bucket full of steam or the wire stretcher..

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    Quote Originally Posted by 47str8leg View Post
    Don't forget the bucket full of steam or the wire stretcher..
    Or a gallon of prop wash, a jar of ohms and we used to send jeeps down to another shop to ask for a fallopian tube. We used to ask new crew chiefs to do jumping jacks in front of the RC-135's that I worked on so we could paint him with the radar.

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    go get the "red handled brick bender", don't get the piece of shit silver one. And make sure you fill out the mortar report.

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    Sending new airmen to the crew chiefs and asking them to grab 100ft of flight line.

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    OV-10 Broncos were fitted with a relief tube for long missions. It's a small black plastic funnel connected to a rubber hose thence to an aluminum hard line which exits the fuselage as a draft tube. A draft tube is slash cut so the airstream induces suction.

    We told new Airmen that funnel was an "auxiliary interphone" and to test it by turning on the interphone then speaking into it while listening for side tone (side tone is when you hear your own part of the conversation). Of course it didn't work so they'd hold it to their lips and yell before giving up.

    Some aircrew used the relief tube for a tobacco spit cup. The next pilot (or back seater) got a non-draining funnel of his own urine, then the crew chief had to tie a screw bag over the funnel and blow the clog out with an air compressor. (It wouldn't have been amusing if I were a crew chief, but I was Comm/Nav so it was hilarious.)
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails 20 AMB.jpg   601st TCW  OV-10A.jpg  

  9. #9
    2lanehighways
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    with all of the sailors on here, why haven't any of you asked the new guys to find" the keys to the sea chest"?and when we where crossing the artic circle we had innitiations going on, for all the blue noses.i was in charge of the slop trough(a 15 foot section of canvas folded like a big water trough)in the slop trough,they had to swim thru it , I would hit the guys with mops pushing there heads under the nasty ass water and other foul things thrown in it (fish guts, sheep shit ,rotten food etc)while they where flopping around I kept yelling at them you gotta find the Raisins and eat some of them (this was the SHEEP SHIT collected at last port,just for this event)yes I enjoyed the day to the most.Click image for larger version. 

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    Ever find the golden rivet 2lane? I hear thats a popular one with the sailors

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    Anyone ever have to go get an exhaust sample? Send the new guy out to the Humvee with a plastic bag.

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    We had a "voice activated light cart". The old flightline light carts had enough interior room for a small airman to fit inside, and you could start them from within on some models.

    Expediter truck pulls up to unattended cart, expediter gets out with new Airmen, expediter says "Lightall, START!" which it does.

    Sight of new guy yelling at his lightall waiting for it to start was priceless.

    In Comm/Nav back shop my supervisor hid behind the test bench and blew a light puff of smoke through plastic tube shoved into the back of the HF radio I was troubleshooting. Just enough that ya couldn't smell it but a tendril of visible smoke would come up through the chassis. I was puzzled until he did it the third time and I noticed he was back there.

    A classic mind game was to hook a tweeter to an audio oscillator and set output just above most human hearing. Irritating as fuck if done right and no one knows where it's coming from, they think it's tinnitus! We had one SSgt who could hear it and made us shut it off but that took a while.

    Ever find the golden rivet 2lane? I hear thats a popular one with the sailors
    Some USAF bases would place painted nylon "golden bolts" where only observant troops would find them on FOD walks. If ya turned it in ya got a prize, usually BX gift certificates.
    Last edited by farmall; 01-06-2016 at 3:17 PM.

  13. #13
    2lanehighways
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    never heard the golden rivet one( cg here)did hear of one guy in line locker. looking for the" land line ".and once in a while they would send a boot engineman looking for a bucket of steam,one guy was sent after the" prop grease".electricians where sent after a spool of" nonconductive copper wire" "funniest thing ever saw, was guy on shore leave in green land .he got loaded on the real jagermister (oseas version used to have like codine in it or something, you would get well loaded on that stuff) .so joe went and got bombed on jager ,passes out so badly, we had put his drunk ass, on a stokes litter to get him in small boat and back on the ship .well here we go rideing across the inlet to the ship, bad thing was, it was the time that the mosqitos came out to eat(once a year visit),, he was covered by those,his bud kept slapping them off his face ,still didn't wake him, like a black cloud following us to the ship. right before we pulled along side, his bud went grabbed a co2 extinguisher and started to fog the bugs ,his bud and anyone else within range ,damn guy still didn't come out of the haze .next day,his facelooked like a pin cushion, by all the skeeter bites. on the same ship, had one guy, who wouldn't eat his food he would rather face dive in it ,no he didn't get the nut job discharge .he was just weird.a few guys did get sent to crows nest ,when in the ice ,to keep" polar bear watch"there was no heat up on the ships mast, yes they froze their asses off up there,and in reality you couldn't see shit when was it bad weather. I did see a group of guys swimming in their draws , in the green water. next to mendenhall glacier of junuea ak . was part of the" polar bear plunge."also seen 4 guys drunk as hell chaseing salmon in a river , lasted for about a hour, no fish caught that day in Ketchikan Ak. the best was the "hogger contest" when we pulled into a port. the guys bet on who could pull in the best" hogger "that night, would win the pot of money in the bet ,yes the beasties brought in and judged( by the other guys not competing at the meeting place) (agreed upon bar in the town).poor girls where plainly used and abused by the drunken contestent s, but those girls seemed to have a good time anyways.hahhahhaha at yorktown va, had one guy that totaled his truck on base in a 25 mph zone on base?yes he did,the base cops left the truck there for a few days to add to the guys humiliation.had one guy living in the Yorktown battle fields while collecting housing rations ,this guy hunted and trapped there for 2 months he ate raccoon ,whatever .then one night on York river whenever I was on s.a.r crew, you had to ride with whoever the bosenmate on duty was ,can you imagine running flat out on a 41 pt hitting a sand bar? yes dizzy biotch who was on duty, didnt know jack ,run that shit onto a sand bar full tilt ,figure I was in cabin down below,I ended up getting slammed on to front bulk head, yes we need more wimman as boat handlers,not .then there was the night I watched 4 guys tripping on acid,(1980s before piss tests) playing Frisbee in the dark with a black Frisbee, when a van with some friends ,pulled into front yard,you ever see cockroaches when the lights go on? ,yes, 4 asses going full tilt in 4 directions .one guy didn't come back to house for a hour or so .the same house we had field rats so big, saw one drag a whole loaf of bread off the top of the fridge and drag it away . those acid heads, chopped a v/w bug into pieces with a axe ,then drag it around tied to a dodge pickup till it fell apart ,this was going round and round ,in the front yard ,at Winchester drive, off mercury blvd in Hampton., fun days they where .then there was one guy who collected every beer can he drank, in one year, kept them like a shrine to his drikin abilities, then when it got about 4foot tall,wide as the apartment living room he had em stashed in, he was bet he couldn,t stand on then ...naturally he ended up at the bottom of this pile of beer cans wondering why they wouldn't hold his fat ass up.while doing a bording,, this fat yeoman who got sent out, he was trying to board the boat, half way on the boat we where going to search, and halfway on our boat, the 2 boats drifted far enough apart, that fat ass could stand any more, while holding the railin on other boat, he was drug a ways, holding on the railin, looking like a flounder flopping around, while the people on the other boat tried to pull fat ass on board he couldn't even pull himself up onboard .our captain was so pissed he didn't even search the boat, after we finaly got fatt ass off their boat. we where transporting hatians , to another cutter, we where in the surf boat, with the ones going to the other ship .like the ocean swells where 15/ 20 foot tall, we where along side of ship going up and down .ok first few hatians where mubeling in there lingo, jumping up, and on the ladder (all the time," habla no comprendae Englash" is what they said ,when asked If they knew English )they had to jump off the surf boat , onto a Jacobs ladder to get on the ship ,finaly last guy looked at us and said" your fucking crazy,! I cant do that "!
    Last edited by 2lanehighways; 01-06-2016 at 10:36 PM.

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