i got a bad neighbor.....

[NeoDutch]

Print up some envelope labels with business names that deal with weird sex stuff, STDs, NAMBLA or Rubman. Put his address on the envelope and post 'em.

Get several tonnes of builders rubble delivered to his place when he's not home. Get an accomplice that looks nothing like you to have them dump it in the middle of his drive. Pay in cash.

[NeoDutch]

to drop a bag of mothballs

Mothballs will only make his car run better,

[Knuckleduster]

Mothballs will only make his car run better,

...perhaps for a little while

[Badassbrutus]

Had some folks complain about loud bikes and cars at my old shop even though I lived next to a airport for 9 yrs.They were summer folks(it was a tourist town) . So I would make flyers for Sunday Yard Sales at their place and All early birds welcome and free coffee and doughnuts served for all early birds.. I use to just laugh my ass off on the look of their faces as people and all the blue hairs showed up super early for them...AAAhhh good times for sure...

[farmall]

Now many apps scan Craigslist for yard and estate sales. (Great deals if you get to them early.)

Of course estate sales imply someone croaked.

[Davestune]

Had some folks complain about loud bikes and cars at my old shop even though I lived next to a airport for 9 yrs.They were summer folks(it was a tourist town) . So I would make flyers for Sunday Yard Sales at their place and All early birds welcome and free coffee and doughnuts served for all early birds.. I use to just laugh my ass off on the look of their faces as people and all the blue hairs showed up super early for them...AAAhhh good times for sure...

LOL your fuckin awesome , have a beer on me

[jimthefred]

Be overly friendly and end every sentence with "sweetie pants" or something equally gay. Smile a lot as creepy as you can and say hes so butch. If that don't freak him out enough to leave you alone, kick him in the nuts as hard as you can and start yelling " you fuckin homo!!!" Either one will get rid of him.

[loddytoddy]

When he stands at the end of his driveway staring at you. You should then walk to the end of yours and stare back, in a old western gun fight fashion. Then reach like you're drawing your gun and just pull up a middle finger and say BANG. Turn around and walk back to the garage and wrench on something.

[Shovelwitch]

This is some of the funniest shit I've read in the junkpile in a while. My best revenge on a neighbor was inviting over 100 bikers to a free BBQ and beer smoke out. I had a yard that was all concrete. A live band showed up that I had nothing to do with. Neighbor was a black dude with a fugly white OL. My roommate made a Klansman outfit and put a cross in his yard and borrowed a gas can, jumped the fence and used a huge knife to cut a piece of their hose then used it to siphon gas out of their car to light the cross up. When the cops showed up it was 2 cops in 1 car. 1 white cop driving and a black cop riding shotgun. Black cop saw longhaired bikers everywhere openly wearing large knives and open carry pistols (private property so it was legal) and just shook his head NO until white cop drove away. That was the last time he called the cops on me. He moved the next day. I never cared that he was black (exept for him it was an all white neighborhood) he was just a dick that didn't want to be neighborly. My roommate was out of line, but that part wasn't necessary anyway. Huge party of drunken bikers every Friday night until he moves. Bikers in numbers seem to terrify people. I don't know why.

Did you and your biker buddies discuss the quality decline Rolex has been having lately, or chart yachting plans over a few bottles of 50 year scotch?

[loddytoddy]

Did you and your biker buddies discuss the quality decline Rolex has been having lately, or chart yachting plans over a few bottles of 50 year scotch?

50 year? pfft.. so pedestrian

[Grantman]

Did you and your biker buddies discuss the quality decline Rolex has been having lately, or chart yachting plans over a few bottles of 50 year scotch?

Nah, just who could do the longest burnout without blowing a tire. Then we faced the bikes away from their house and tried one at a time with a stopwatch until their house was black. Like I said, I can be a real prick.

[JetBlackII]

The Knights who say; Ni would suggest some shrubbery...


But if there's a larger fence? Hmmm... go buy a huge crack rock, grab a crack whore off the same street, hand her some hedge clippers and say: when the snake comes through the hole... snip it's head off and half of this giant rock is yours... coaxing the snake through the hole with sexy phrases like "I wanna suck that dick?" The whole rock is yours. Next, drill a hole in the fence and *wait.

*Hungry dog waiting too? Optional.

[Shovelwitch]

Nah, just who could do the longest burnout without blowing a tire. Then we faced the bikes away from their house and tried one at a time with a stopwatch until their house was black. Like I said, I can be a real prick.

I bet the angry letter the HA sent you got some chuckles over at the country club.

[Comingapart]

What all does the Blazer need to be running?
Have an open-invite get together for CC members on the weekends. Wrenching, ripping and burnouts.
You'll get your Blazer going, have a good time and you'll be legally responsible for exactly 0% of what may transpire during said get-togethers....

[Grantman]

I bet the angry letter the HA sent you got some chuckles over at the country club.

Actually I tried to buy a house by the country club so they would have to let me join. Some stuck up rich prick payed out the ass so I wouldn't get the house. I quit taking my bike to look at houses after that. Finally bought a house a block from the college and get to drive the hoity toidy folks crazy by working on bikes in the driveway and then starting them up and doing 15 minute "test revs". I am the neighbor from hell. On the bright side if I call 911 the cops all know my house so they don't have to look for it.

[Shovelwitch]

Grant you must run a few degrees cooler than every other dude, you got to be the chilliest dude on here. Touché homie, I'm shutting the fuck up.

[Cisco726]

Grant you must run a few degrees cooler than every other dude, you got to be the chilliest dude on here. Touché homie, I'm shutting the fuck up.

It's the 50year old scotch bruh. That and the maid that gives him blowjobs on the beach house patio.

[Knuckleduster]

Actually I tried to buy a house by the country club so they would have to let me join. Some stuck up rich prick payed out the ass so I wouldn't get the house. I quit taking my bike to look at houses after that. Finally bought a house a block from the college and get to drive the hoity toidy folks crazy by working on bikes in the driveway and then starting them up and doing 15 minute "test revs". I am the neighbor from hell. On the bright side if I call 911 the cops all know my house so they don't have to look for it.

I don't consider "the cops knowing your house" as a good thing, ever. I don't dial 911.
This shit kind of reminds me of the time our gay neighborhood association president called the cops on my bro because there was a van parked in his yard.
When the police showed up, we brought them around to the porch side of the van, where the officer could see that my brothers ol lady's aunt had her wheelchair lift coming out right onto the 2' tall porch, as this is the only way she can get into their house. The officer just shook their head, and said that they were going to go talk to the complainant. After about an hour the officer returned (disgusted, cuz neighborhood assoc. fag was drunker than shit), and said "I think there's a law on the books about parking in the grass, but I don't recall the code for it right off, and don't feel like looking it up, have a nice night."
Often times, there is more to shit, than can be seen from the street.

[Badassbrutus]

LOL your fuckin awesome , have a beer on me

Cheers man yrs ago I use to yell and scream but why blow a gasket,I like to turn it to laughter ..then you will see folks really get pissed when you laugh at them..

[wastedyouth2542]

I was fixing a bike for a guy in trade for a shotgun. Totally stock bike (quiet), needed carbs cleaned/sync'd and the wiring was a mess. I go outside yesterday to check my mail and dick head neighbor gets off his sleeping chair and walks out the drive staring, all puffed up like a peacock. I smile and wave. "You starting a bike repair shop over there?!" me- "nope!" with huge shit eatin' grin on my face. "better not be" he says. i cant wait until i'm retired and have that much time on my hands. maybe i'll start a bike shop.