My father passed away last week.

[Guest]

Damn dude, I was thinking about where you disappeared off to. I'm really sorry for your loss. Thanks for putting your writing skills to use I felt like I experienced what you went through rather than just read it. Stories like this help me know what to expect in the coming years, I know we all have to go through it, but that doesn't make it any easier. Hopefully it warms up and you'll get on the road soon.

[klondikekid64]

Sorry to hear of your Dad's passing Rubman. Take care.

[Ramzilla]

I saw this on IG when you posted and again if there is anything I can do just shout man.

[Rubman]

I really appreciate all the love, fellas.

And this was just a "quick" write up. I want to do what happened to my father justice. I want to tell people how incredible of a dude he was, and how he didn't let a single one of us know how terrified he was and how sick and weakened he was.

Honestly, I'm real proud to say that I've met a lot of people from a lot of different places, but my dad was unlike any of them. And I don't mean that because I'm his son or because he's gone now, but fuckin' really -- the guy had the heart of a lion, and tried as best he could to find justice and peace in a world that continuously beat him down.

It was crazy to me, because my mother told me a lot about the things she and him talked about in the weeks leading up to his death, and a lot of it revolved around me. And my mom told me that my dad was really excited to live through me in his older age, but real afraid for me, too. You guys on the Internet think hearing about my stories have been a trip? Try being my folks -- they've heard and been through it all.

I remember one night, I got black-out drunk and got the shit kicked out of me so good (3 separate fights, 6 different people, and I didn't throw a single punch -- 'til this day, no one can explain what kind of chip I had on my shoulder) that I went home, passed the fuck out on my couch, and woke up the next day with a face that looked more like a slab of meat wrapped around a cantaloupe than a fuckin' human body part.

And my parents were just sitting there, calmly eating breakfast. They saw me stir, and my mom goes, "Max, what happened last night?" And I said, "I dunno, Ma, but I bet I deserved every bit of it" (and I did). And I remember my dad just sitting there, laughing and making me a plate of eggs and bacon.

That was so much of all of this. The stories. The lessons. I was blessed with my old man's heart and my mother's mouth. And from that, they built me into a person who won't stray from cracking off on a mother fucker who earns it, who accepts responsibility for his actions, and who isn't afraid to say what's on his mind -- even if it's about being afraid. They instilled in me ethics and morals that are priceless, and from what I've seen from the people I've encountered and through my experiences, rare.

And I'm proud of that. And she told me that he was, too. My dad, as beautiful as he was, never got to do a lot of the things he wanted because he was too busy being beat down by the world. He wasn't the best man, and so much of the reason why I'm as honest and as loyal and as straight up as I am is because he sometimes wasn't; because HE did the best he could to make sure I was everything he was missing. My mom said that my dad was real proud that I got to carry his father's name, because I did it the justice it deserved.

Quite frankly, I think that was the only time the entire time I was out there dealing with all of this that I slipped and cried. When she told me about how my grandfather was such a beautiful, stand-up guy (he died before I was born), and that my dad knew that he hadn't done his dad the justice he deserved, but when he looked at me, he saw a man his father would be really proud of. I like to think I'm a good (young, ignorant, but learning) man, and an all-around good human being. I went to college, I work hard, I take care of my friends and family as best I can, and I always -- always -- buy the first round of drinks. I'd say he did ok in raising me.

The older I got, my dad and I developed a really weird relationship with each other, where we became more like friends than father and son. And it wasn't until he passed away that I realized that I really did lose my best friend. Again, life has blessed me with some really cool people all over the place; people who look out for me when I need looking out for, who have my back no matter what, and are always there for me when shit gets heavy. But at the end of the day, he was my best bud, you know? And to hear her tell me that I was his, too, really meant the world, because that was the kind of shit he and I never discussed, and always remained unspoken.

But it's those fleeting thoughts you have after it happens -- when you're laying there in bed at night, and it hits you that he's gone. All those questions you never get around to asking, and all the shit you wish you'd taken the time to say and do. THAT was one of the tough parts for me, man. I remember one night, the night after he passed, my mom was freaking out real bad and went for a walk (I never followed her because all it did was exacerbate things), and I was just alone by myself in the hotel room. And you find yourself turning off the TV and just staring out into the dark, and you're haunted by the realization that you'll never get to ask a single question again, and that that pillar of strength and guidance in your life is gone forever. It was, for just a moment, fucking terrifying.

Now, I'm not the only one here who's lost their dad, so I can only speak about what I know and what the experience brought out of me. But, even as things stand, after all the dust has settled and it really, truly hit me that he's gone, I can say this: I am my father's son. I am proud. And I know he was proud.

What else can I ask for, you know?

Thanks for the love and advice, fellas. Shovelwitch, when I publish the whole story, I'll make sure I PM you a link to the post.

[Magnificentbastard]

we need a violin playing emotocon

That was a pretty shitty thing to say.

To Rub
My condolences

[Medic40]

So sorry for your loss, don't know ya but losing a Dad is a big one. From the post sounds like he was loved and respected from his son. My sincere condolences.

[Guest]

That was a pretty shitty thing to say.

To Rub
My condolences

I'm honestly not surprised by this from this guy. I wanted to ignore to not give it any merit, but yeah it's a dick move.

[MadRiverMoCo]

no, get the other magnifying glass. A bit more magnification and it's easy to separate my pimples from my penis

fixed

[Spade115]

Sorry for your loss man and glad you were able to send him off the way he wanted.

[Tacitus]

My condolences Rubman. Your Dad sounds like a truly stand up guy. He can be justifiable proud of how you handled such a tough situation as this. Your actions speak well of the man who raised you.

[Rubman]

Again guys, thanks for all the love. Forreal, thanks. I'll make sure I post more frequently so none of y'all get the impression I've gone off the deep end lol

[Guest]

as long as pops is in your mind, he,s still with you . he was with you from the start. now, he is gone physicaly , don't forget him, and he will be with you ,spirits are all around us ,believe it or not .time to hack on the newest ride ,it,ll make you feel better.

[RexCharger]

sorry to hear man.

time for an escape! head to Milwaukee for Mama Tried this weekend, beers and nudie bar on me

[WildChild77]

Condolences man. I just about lost my old man a few years ago to a heart condition... Makes you realize what you got when you almost lose it, or do lose it it your case. Stay strong brother.

[loddytoddy]

sorry to hear man.

time for an escape! head to Milwaukee for Mama Tried this weekend, beers and nudie bar on me

unless they changed something Milwuakee's nudie bars use bandaids on the nipples..