Everyone has those nights when you get hammered with your buds and you tell tales of the times past, most of them start out as " oh dude we were so fucked up that.." so i figured why start a thread to share the stories here?
I will start it off with my favorite one to share,
So me and my buddy where sitting at this bar drinking way to much for a Wednesday night when my new girlfriend called and said she was at my house waiting to pick me up, so after paying our tab we got in his lifted F-250 turbo diesel extended cab and started backing up, and i say "Yo man watch out for that Mercedes!" .........BAM! we look behind us and noticed we had shoved another pickup two spots over. so what did we do? hauled ass and ditched the truck in the neighborhood next to mine and ran threw idk how many peoples yard while hopping fences before we hit the wet lands and went swimming all with the sounds of cop cars everywhere, well we book it across the hwy and get into my neighborhood and there's my new girlfriend watching us run full speed covered in mud saying "Get in side, the cops are coming!" man the look on her face was fucking PRICELESS lol!!! best part? we got away Scott free.
(P.S.we later contacted the owner of the other truck and bar and paid all damages)
This was years ago(25 to be exact) we were just a bunch of punk skateboarders getting shit from some dudes at the mid night movies. Well they wanted to scrap so we said we would kick there ass. I had been drinking MD20/20 and Canadian Mist. Well about 20 of us all pile into our cars. Mine was in the lead with just me and a buddy. Just as we're about to take off the cops come pulling up. They talk to the other cars first then get to mine. The cop takes my license and then asks me if I knew what jail was. Being drunk and a smart ass punk, I say to him, Well, that's a trick question. If I know what it is like as in have I ever been then NO, but if your asking if I know what it's like as in do I know what jail is then yes. He asks me again and I give him the same response but more smart and he then says get out of the car. Yep me and my buddy got taken to Juvi that night because I was a smart ass.
So when I turned 22, I walk into a empty hotel bar and order up a crown rocks. The bartender serves it up and I proceed to knock it back. After a few minutes the bartender looks at me and says "Hey buddy you doing ok?" I tell him I have been having a rough life. He say's "No man, I mean do you want another round?" I say, "Oh, Yeah sure. Make it a double shot and also let me have a bud light."
When I was in college, we lived on the 6th floor of the dorm. We had a keggerator for pony kegs in there. It was becoming a real pain in the ass to go up stairs from the front lawn "hangout" every time we needed a refill. What to do? Fashion a tap line that we ran out of the window, from the 6th floor, to the ground....epic.
Got to drinking one night for St pattys - - -my roommates girlfriend found me passed out in a snow bank and was nice enough to drag me home.
Woke up one morning on the grass in front of the english dept at about 10 am. People had been walking over me for hours.
Crushed a six pack at about 6 am one day. Said fuck it and went to class. Got there early, and my friend Angie had been sitting on the steps drinking whiskey. We continued to drink that whiskey till our 7 am class. Threw up in the class.
Was at a show at the old Club Baby Head in Providence - fuckin wasted. Gonna roll upstairs to a bar called jerkeys. On the way up the stairs, I felt the hurl coming - told the dude in front of me to hurry his ass up. He turns around just in time for me to spew all over him. Luckily, dude was cool. Fell off the bar stool after that too. Then made out with some chick on the couch with puke breath. She was down, so we banged in the stall in the women's bathroom.
There's just too many man...........got super fucked up one night in Boston, and me and my buddy thought it would be cool to blow lines off the hood of a parked cop car. So we did.
Cant believe im willfully talking about this, as much hell as i catch from it, but here goes...kinda a rough time in my life. For about 3mos i would get off at 7am and had a 45min drive home. You would be surprised how drunk y9u can get in 45 min after working 12hrs. So one morning i stopped at first gas station and bought a 12 pack. Ran out by the time i got to last gas station before getting to my house, which also serves as a marina/boat landing. So i buymy second 12pack at 745, and decide to back my pipes into the water so i can watch em bubble...i know...so somebody calls while im makin bubbles. So i knock the shifter up to talk, thinking i was in nuetral, when really i was in park. Get off the phone, go to leave, drop it down a gear...yep. well at first i thought i was jusr rollin down hill, so i gunned it...yep. truck sank, i swam outthe window, and ended up with quiet an audience for the towing the truck out of the river...not a real good day
Cant believe im willfully talking about this, as much hell as i catch from it, but here goes...kinda a rough time in my life. For about 3mos i would get off at 7am and had a 45min drive home. You would be surprised how drunk y9u can get in 45 min after working 12hrs. So one morning i stopped at first gas station and bought a 12 pack. Ran out by the time i got to last gas station before getting to my house, which also serves as a marina/boat landing. So i buymy second 12pack at 745, and decide to back my pipes into the water so i can watch em bubble...i know...so somebody calls while im makin bubbles. So i knock the shifter up to talk, thinking i was in nuetral, when really i was in park. Get off the phone, go to leave, drop it down a gear...yep. well at first i thought i was jusr rollin down hill, so i gunned it...yep. truck sank, i swam outthe window, and ended up with quiet an audience for the towing the truck out of the river...not a real good day
I was at college in a dorm roomin' with 4 other guys. It was the the birthday of one of em so we hit one of the local waterin' holes.We were there for a coulpa hours and were drinkin' some weird flaming drinks in shot glasses. Birthday boy says he goin' out to take a piss. Half hour or 45 minutes go by and we're ready to head back to the dorm. We figure birthday boy just walked back . Two blocks away on a back street we find him passed out in the MIDDLE of the street.
Back in 2002, a bunch of us Navy squids that went to school together out in Dam Nek Va. were throwing a bachelor party nice and proper.. (really anything was an excuse to get lit back then) We'd lined up admission to an after hours gentleman's club to top off the evenings craziness.
We started at the E-club on base before heading out for a little pre-game libations. Happy hour turned into happy 4 hours, lots of crazy jack-assery ensued involving alcohol and stupid human tricks. Till the groom decieded he wanted to take the party off base. People got divided up and to their perspective modes of transport and I got assigned to ride with my buddy Frank or to drive. I'm no idiot and I knew there was no way in hell I was good to go so I agreed and took a piss. By the time I was done everyone had left the bar and had made their way out to the parking lot to their cars. I make my way to a VW Bug as old as I was with Frank at the wheel, get in and we take off.
The parking lot isn't exactly perfect so the wandering of the bug didn't worry me too much till after we hit the streets and I realized that maybe Frank should have been one of the guys riding and not driving because if I'm pretty lit and I can tell that this little old VW isn't going down the road anywhere close to straight.
FUCK IT! Frank is one of the most competent drunk drivers I know, we'll be fine... We're almost out the base gate and home free, short jog up the road and then a quick turn into the parking lot and we're at Gator's and its all good.
Red light... blue light. RED LIGHT! BLUE LIGHT! WOOOP WOOOP! FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!
So there I am in a VW as old as I am, with a drunken Frank at the wheel getting lit up, we are FUCKED!
Somewhere in the back of my brain echo's a passage I'd read in a book years ago
"Make the bastard chase you!" only its coming from my mouth at the same time. Yeah right 1971 VW Bug with a 1500cc single port motor is going to have a chance against the police.
It's 2 lanes out the gate and Frank pulls over about 20 feet past the gate guard shack, on the LEFT next to the concrete island, not the shoulder but the center of the road. We're so getting busted.
Cop walks up and starts the whole license & registration speach then ads the whole "Have you been drinking tonight?" part. Frank pipes up that it's just been 2 beers. The officer obviously isn't going to buy this he offers us a choice, we can either park the car at the day pass office across the street OR Frank can take the brethalizer.
"Breathalize my ass mother fucker." What the fuck? is this guy insane this is a total free out and he says this? No fucking way this can only turn out one way, BAD.
The cop looks past Frank and asks me "Are you ok to drive?" Really if I was ok to drive why am I a passenger? I answer as respectfully and honestly as I can. "Fuck no I'm not ok to drive why the hell do you think I'm the passenger?"
"Ok, I'm going to let you two think about this and I'm going to go run the plate and stuff to make sure everything is in order, I'll be right back." The cop steps away for a bit.
Frank and I have a quick but heated discussion, fuck I even have a cell phone and cab fare to get us out to Gator's to continue the debachary, but Frank has duty the next day and he'll be damned if he leaves his crusty little VW right next to an armed manned guard shack because you never know who's going to fuck with your ride. It's not happening, I can already see Frank in cuffs and me making phone calls to his command. Total buzz kill as if the cop tapping on the glass again isn't enough of one.
Frank rolls down the window and we go through the whole thing again complete with Frank telling the cop to breathalize his ass. I can tell unless I pull a rabbit out of my ass this isn't going to be pretty. Quickly I grab the keys out of the ignition and hand them to the cop and say. "Thanks officer, I think we can walk from here."
"Good call, take your buddy back to the baracks so he can sleep it off." Only Frank doesn't live on this base anymore and he's got to be up in Norfolk by 7 am and he's pissed that I took his keys.
I get out open his door and Frank literally pours out of the driver's seat. He's not just a little bit beyond the legal limit he's smashed! Forget walking a straight line he couldn't even walk the sidewalk and stay in the lines. As much of a friend as I am to Frank I'm not about to babysit his ass out in town and then have to run back get his car and drive him up to the ship the next morning. I ended up half hauling half walking Frank back to my room and put his ass on the floor to sleep it off. I kicked him out at about 6 so he had enough time to get his car, drive up to his ship shower and make it to quarters. Fucking lucky bastard!
So it was "Dead homie day", lost 3 good brothers in 1.5 yrs, 2 OD's and a suicide. Rode my FXR to my friend's house to meet up for the Raiders-9ers game, being Raiders fans. Just got my thousand mile break in done on my new S&S 89" kit after the bike being down a year and a half due to a bottom end failure and lack of money due to a full blown coke addiction. So at halftime we go to the bar next to the state capitol where a friend is bartending. Get shit hammered on Johnny Black, real hammered, the Raiders lost their lead and bit the big one like usual. Stumbled back to my friend's house, wife showed up to pick me up so I wouldn't ride my bike drunk, friend told her to fuck off it's "dude's day". Friend is 6'8" 300lbs and drunk, angry and loud so my wife gives up and goes home crying. Soon as we get in the house his ol lady yells at him, he disappears upstairs, so I lay down on the couch to sleep it off, having the good sense not to ride while blackout drunk. Woke up in the ER a couple hours later with 25-30 of my friends crying and my wife at my side. Broken back, 3 fractures in the back of my head, TBI(traumatic brain injury), major roadrash, even on my face, chipped a tooth on the street. My junk is hangin out in the breeze in front of everybody, all shriveled up, all the hospital staff is givin me the stink eye. I'm like WTF happened??!! to my wife. Turns out I got up from the couch, got on my bike with no helmet or gloves, proceeded to wreck into a concrete island in the middle of the intersection at 60-70mph, flew a good 35' thru the air, landed on the back of my head, bike ghost rided thru the intersection, turned right and plowed into a house's porch, taking out a few rose bushes and an iron hand rail and part of the porch. When the ambulance showed up I was walking and talking, refused the ambulance and told them I just wanted to walk home and get some rest. They forced me into the ambulance, which I wan't too happy about, so when we got to the hospital I tried to run away, which turned into a fight with the whole staff. They had to strap me down to the gurney with leather restraints, when I came to my right arm was in an americana hold with my shoulder all wrenched back. Oh yeah, and my junk was hanging out because every time the doc would come near I tried to kick him in the face, so my robe was bunched up on my chest. I don't remember anything until I came to in the restraints, but since it was a DUI crime there was a police report, there was a couple sitting at a red light that saw the whole wreck. The scary part is when my wife asked the doc how I was doing he said, "it's touch and go" and "he's not out of the woods yet". I had one foot in the grave for a couple months from the brain injury, had the worst migraine you can ever imagine for 4 weeks non stop, didn't even feel the back pain until the migraine subsided a bit. My awesome wife nursed me back to health, don't know what I'd do without her. Oh yeah, the cannabis club I worked at went under when I was in the hospital, spent a week in the ICU. My friend's tattoo shop held a fund raiser to pay my rent for a couple months, saved my ass. Ever since my first disability check I've been buying parts to fix my FXR, and have an awesome mechanic friend doing the work for me. It's been a year and a half, just got my license back a couple days ago, painted my tins last week, will be riding next week, just in time for Born Free 4!!!!!!! The thought of giving up on motorcycling NEVER crossed my mind, can't wait to get out on that road!! I'm about 6 weeks clean off the perscription oxycontin and percocet, gonna do it sober this time, except for my med mj of course. It's all I got for my pain now, that and motrin. I'm back to training at the dojo, and doing lots of pushups and chinups, mind over matter!! So lucky to have a second chance. Think about my story next time you're whiskey drunk and about to hop on your bike.
Ya no shit, lucky we got pulled over before we made it off base by the Marine MPs, Virginia Beach cops don't pull any punches when dealing with drunk sailors.
almost as awesome as checking the buoyancy of your bubble machine lol
I live n a very small town...ive heard it all. The cable from the tow truck came undone about half way up and my truck slammed into the sea wall and back into the water. I had a whole new reason to drink for a while. The cops showed but didnt give me a dui. Guess they thought it was bad enough, with people having lunch on the ground watching the recovery effort and all. On top of that, i only had liability ins. Worked on the truck for about a month, and the first time i started it, a rod went through the bottom of the motor. To say i get nervous putting a boat in the water now is a bit of an understatement.
When I was 16 years old I was at a party, sitting on a bed with about
15 others in the room, whole house was pretty packed, Then the sister of one of my friends walks in & sits next
to Me & starts rubbing Her luscious 36" Tits on Me.
She was probably the hottest chick in the entire school, no joke. So......... A buddy of mine grabs my attention,
And hands Me a key & says that it is to His Fathers Camper that was parked about a half mile down the road,
& said take Her there.
So I grab Her & we start walking (no car since I was just 16) well...... We never made it to the camper, lol, She
was drunk as a skunk & was starting to get the spins, SO we are walking along the side of a school yard, & I see a pick up truck, parked & there is a descent looking mattress in back,
So naturally I grab it & head over into the school yard with my new
friend with the huge tits, & I tell Her to sit tight for a few minutes while I went & checked out the scene, since i didn't want some Janitor stumbling upon us, etc.
All looked good! .... Haha... But when I got back to my squeeze, She was passed out & had even pissed Her pants, Fuck! So we ended up sleeping on a fucklng matress at a fucking school yard, The next day morning
was probably the most awkward moment in my life.
I sure was Glad when I turned 17 cuz I got myself a used chevy van, Fuck School yards!
Back when I was 19 me and my brother were out drinkin beer and shootin our bows down at the local park.I dont remember how much we both drank but it was alot cause thats just what we did. So its dark we're drunk time to head back home.I had a 86 f150 and he was driving my old 79 bonneville.Its like a half mile to get outta the park so "fuck it" lets race.Well he starts pullin away doing around 50mph so I decided to pull out the p.i.t manuaver card and smacked his back fender.When I did that he hooked my bumper and flung me off into the woods.All I remember of that is seeing huge tree's flyin by and I just hung on for dear life,didnt hit one but I was fuckin rattled.I got back out and we 're inspecting the damage drinkin more beer now we need to go home but half my bumper is stick straight out,fuck.So we drove to the local restaraunt and pulled behind it and butted my bumper against the dumpster and push it around the back lot for about a half hour trying to straightin it out,its about 3am and this shit aint workin,he's laughin his ass off.So my bro says push against that telephone pole so fuck it I pulled up there.He s all like youre good,give it gas ,more ,more ,then BAM! the bumper gives and I smash the shit outta my doghouse and the pole. thats it we call it a night.Ive got stories, I dont drink anymore.
Around last Halloween, my buddies and I went to a Creepy Creeps show. Got totally smashed, and went back to my friends pad. Misfits were playing, got a bit rowdy and split my lip open real good.
My friend said I needed stitches. I said "I don't need no stinking stitches" and bust out my knife. I heated it up, and tried to cauterize it shut. Three times. Ended up with a mini staff infection. Check it...
About four years ago when I was in high school me n buddy threw a kegger at his parents house while they went outta town, its 3 acres fenced in with a long drive way wo u knew who was coming at anytime well apparently 70+ people n 4 kegs get loud so the cops show up and me and my buddy start running toward the horse farm since we saw the cops first ...now at the end of his yard is a 12 foot deep ditch witch we new about but no one eles did... Let's say nothing compares to hiding in a tree listening to every one scream as they go airborne in the pitch black ness on the night as people one by one fall into this half full ditch....lol
Same house one month later we decided it was a good idea to have another party and we started to jump off his two story house Into his pool well two girls went hand n hand and one chickened out witch catapulted them both to concrete, two hot chicks in full body casts and the worst beat down from his dad later his parents stopped going outta town....
Last edited by Lowlifebill; 06-16-2012 at 12:39 PM.
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