so last night i killed a 5th of whiskey at my buddies house with some girls before we went downtown. all i remember is walking outside to hop in his car to go downtown.everything after this is just what i was told happened.
i sort of wake up in a ditch a few blocks from the bar, some dude was trying to get me up before i got arrested but i just wanted to sleep there, he took my phone and called people to get me but just ended up putting me on the bus with his girlfriend to take me home. my buddy rodney was waiting at the bus stop and pulled me off the bus to carry me to my apartment.
I'm sure there were a few shenanigans between the car and the ditch since i had marks on my hand so i did make it to the bar at some point but i just don't know, kinda scary
Few weeks ago I was in town drinking with my boy. Started off with some rum and wodka. Had a few beers and topped it off with some whiskey. I passed out on the sidewalk outside of a pizza joint. When I woke up there was a hot 21 year old college girl holding my hand and talking to me, and my boy was salsa dancing with her friend in the street. Needless to say, I was very confused. The girl helped me to my feet and started making out with me. Now she's back at school 5 hours away and sends me nudes every once in a while. In 3 weeks Im driving out to party with/plow her.
Shit I have too many.
When I was about 18 we were having a party at my place ( I moved out when I was 17) so I had the spot since it was my place and no parents. My sisters boyfriend was 23 and bought us all booze. One guy said his friend was having a party and wanted my brother in law to get them booze for that party also. They discussed the fee and figured out he would trade em booze for some weed. He would bring back the booze and they would pay him his green. So he gets back with the booze and they are still inside he thought so he set it on their car and went inside to get them. They snuck out the front and took the booze and ripped him off. We spent the rest of the night hunting down this party and finding his whip. Once we located we left his whip with about 120 psi on his tires via a knife, spray painted his windows and headlights black and after web left we made a loop and put the pedal to the floor and got up to about 60 grabbed the hardest thing we could find in the floor board and threw it through his back window.
He knew it was me so.he tried starting shit in school one day with his big brother and I played stupid. I skipped class at the end of the day and waited for him to come outside alone and I bic'ed his ass until he tried to pull some wwf shit and pick me up. Thats when i made quick work of his kidney and left him on the ground balling like the bitch he was.
Awesome thread! Been so long since i told that story ibalmost couldnt remember. I used to be a little ignorant fuck...
At a random high school party and this guy Dane is stumbling across the lawn and gets caught up in one of those old plastic tubing covered lawn chairs. He fights with the chair for what seemed like a full 2 minutes before admittnig defeat. Ass kicked by a lawn chair. After he's collapsed into a heap of busted up lawn chair and drunk ass high school kid another guy Mike is yelling "Will someone get Dane another beer!"
Fucking owned by a folding lawn chair.
Was trying to hook up with this chick that had all these internet friends that were having a party out in Moreno Valley that I got drug to, there was this old gray beard (totally out of place in a group of late 20's early 30's) that had this old beat to shit stripped down RAT Goldwing "Old man Ed". It must have been about 1 or so in the morning and Ed decides he's going to get a better lay of the land or something and starts walking the edge of the fence line. In one corner its way up this steep hill, and just as he gets to sticking his nose over the fence to see what's on the other side the neighbors Doberman almost leaps over the fence trying to take his face off. Ed stumbled backwards and fell/rolled down the whole hill, beer in hand. It was a spectacular tumble, now he managed not to end up breaking anything or scraping the shit out of himself is beyond me. At the bottom of the hill he stood up, took a bow and announced at the top of his lungs "I didn't spill a fucking drop!" before taking a good pull off his beer.
More stupid sailor stuff:
A buddy of mine that I had gone through bootcamp, electronics school and then "A" school with got sent out to Virginia for our "C" school about 4 months before it was supposed to class up. Together we got sent out for temporary duty aboard a frigate till it started. We spent quite a few drunken nights wandering around Virginia looking for trouble. One night we came across where the USS Wisconson was moored and he HAD to get onboard to check this awesome WWII dreadnaught out. Mind you its January, and it had snowed maybe 2 weeks earlier, this fool decides to swim out to the mooring blocks so he can climb up the mooring chain. He made a good effort of it, he actually made it out to the mooring block but failed to take in accout for the fact that the block sits maybe a good 3-4 feet above the water, and it didn't matter how hard he tried he wasn't going to be able to climb up the block to get to the chain.
Sri Lanka - I was crew aborard the USS Cushing, the last DD in US Navy to be in service. As a random chance encounter we ran into a couple Marines that were stationed there for embassy duty and got invited out to their place. These guys had it made, housing that bordered on mansion sized, pool, a pool house that double as a rec center with all sorts of shit, and a no shit cabania like tiki bar. We ended up having a great time, BBQ, TONS of alcohol etc. I honestly don't remember what time it was but it was dark. I think that there were 4 of us total leaving the embassy (2 groups of 2) that had to get back to the ship for duty and we were all bombed. Needless to say 4 giant americans are not going to fit into a Tuk-tuk (3 wheeled scooter taxi) so we had to get 2 cabs. I'm pretty sure our trip back should have only taken maybe 15-20 minutes tops but we took probably 2 hours to do so, all of it "racing" the other cab around the city hanging out the sides of the little trikes and doing chinese fire drills.
I jumped a fire naked after drinking Fish's bacon vodka.
When I was like 16 I got drunk and bunny hopped the fire pit....I got a bj from An Asian chic that night.
Another time we got super wasted a few Yeats back and decided to bust out the pit bikes....everybody got fucked up from that thing that night.
Just last Xmas I had to go to my wife's company party in the nearest city Peoria il. After the party all the younger people decide to hit the town. None of these people are "my type" ....all all kinda fancy pants soft handed dudes and their girls. We hit a couple bars and at this point I have had a lot of Guinness and 4 jack and cokes. Now its just me and my wife along with her work friend who's boyfriend is a white guy who thinks he is a rapper.
We are walking back to the hotel freezing our balls off ( January in IL) and the rapper kid starts talking shit to some drunk dudes. Next thing you know they grab his girls hair and shove her down. The rapper kid takes off running! At this point all I know is some fucking dude just grabbed a chicks hair and he has a beat down coming. He is trying to pick her up by her hair as I approach and before o get to him my wife gives his nuts a big kick! Fuckyeah! He drops. Now his friend grabs at my wife and rips her necklace. ( I fought MMA for 4 fucksticks shit gets real. I grab the dude from behind and throw him away. He thinks he is going to charge me and knock me down. Next thing you know I sprawled and put him on his face. Kneed him on the kidney once and that was done. When we met up again with the rapper kid he claimed he was going to get his "gang" buddies to "slam"?
I wish I was still in as good of shape as when I fought because I would of stuck around to finish the fucksticks.
Austin, TX. Went to see "Fuck Emos" with a friend. Took 2 Xanex. Don't remember a god damn thing until the next morning. Woke up missing my glasses, covered in mud and my "friend" is giving me the stink eye.
He proceeds to tell me what happened during the blacked out part.
1. Drank 10-12 beers.
2. Got on stage and dry humped the bands dancers.
3. Got into a fight with band members.
4. Got into a fight with random audience members.
5. Passed out.
6. Woke up and got into fight with band members.
7. Walked down 6th street puking.
8. Walked through East Austin (back when it was bad) asking every black dude I saw to sell me crack.
9. Fell 8' into a construction hole in the middle of the street (hence mud)
10. Walked directly into a tree (hence missing glasses).
After:
1. Later that week, 2 different times I had complete strangers walk up to me and tell me that I was more fucked up that night than they have ever seen a person get.
2. Banned from said bar.
3. Never hung out with "friend" again.
Haha, been there done that. Went to 6'th st to see flametrick subs and dont remember shit. I drank a 5'th of sailer jerrys in 30 mins! Then slammed 2 double 4horsemen. My brother tells me i pissed on a homeless guy, danced with a crack whore in the street and walked up to a pizza joint and puked all over the windows where people where eating. Good times in ATX!
Wow, tall order to fill...so so many I don't remember; and so so many I've tried to forget. Although this one is good it's about an old room mate; you know the type, cool as hell wasted but a major douche sober...this is about him.
His girlfriend breaks up with him on a Monday, he goes on a 5 day bender, drives me and my other room mate crazy with; Offspring's Smash album on repeat the whole time loud as hell.
Friday night rolls around, we go to a punk show, he gets body slammed by the singer, me and the other roomy come home, smoke some shrubbery and play Battle Toads, bender shows up he's drunk driving in the yard, dodges several trees for a few minutes then drives right into the house, house is fine it's brick, his car is fucked up.
The next afternoon he wakes up, comes inquiring why his elbow is the size of a softball and solid black, I say you got body slammed by T-roy then drove your car into the house, this sobers him up, he swear's off alcohol forever.
So he turns into uber douche, trying to tell myself and the other roomy we need to smoke outside ash in tray's and not smoke shrubbery, and drink in our rooms because it's influencing him...even though he's not the majority vote in what happens, mind you this was a nearly condemned punk rock house, we always had bands and kegs there...
Next Friday night rolls around; myself and my other room mate decide to lay low, we have 40's, a half ounce of shrubbery, and an all night marathon battle of Jack Nicklaus Pebble Beach on the NES planned.
So after 3 am we figure the other room mate with a "problem drinking" decided to stay at his parents...he said he was going there to do laundry. Dawn breaks and the Pebble Beach multiple victor goes to take a piss off the back porch; don't ask it's just something he liked doing...any way he's all shit come here! I go out there and the missing room mate is sitting behind the wheel of his car passed out, one hand gripping the steering wheel, beer cans all over it, an empty case and fresh 12 pack with the missing one un-opened clutched in his other hand chest level.
We tap on the window to wake him up, he stirs looks at us, looks down see's the beer...gives a big red neck salute Whhhheeeeeeeew! cracks the beer and chugs it. Finally things were back to normal.
Mountain resort town full of tourists. Small townie population. Drank cheap wine all day, ended up at a bar late piss drunk. My buddy starts fucking with some townies, not really trying to start a fight, but they call him outside as usually happens, he was too drunk to defuse the situation. This was a 10 on 2 situation that we weren't going to come out of well.
I had to help, so I walked out the door, immediately get sucker punched. I mace everyone that happened to be standing in a 15' radius with one of those keychain pepper spray things. While everyone is laying on the ground screaming in pain, I calmly collected my shit and walked away with the friend.
Fast forward about a year. Back in the same town. I'm sitting at a table with some friends. Some completely wasted girl comes over and sits on my lap and says "I remember you. You maced my boyfriend". The conversation went like this....Drunk chick: "You're that guy", Me: "no idea what you're talking about". After about 10 minutes of the weird situation of this semi-hostle girl lap grinding on my junk while at the same time arguing about if I was the guy she says "You see all of these people staring at you? You are so going to catch a beating". I got up, excused myself and walked to the bouncer standing at the door. I say to him "You see all those people staring at me right now? I'm about to end up in the hospital. I'm leaving now, how about you give me 3 minutes before you let any of them come after me? The bouncer says "You got it". Walked back to my hotel room in the snow.
And that's how I have an unofficial ban from an entire town.
Like Hooligan, I dont remember many of 'em, BUT I do remember waking up in some goofy fuckin places. Woke up in a tree once. My buddy told me I said the cops would never find me up there. I was right. Woke up in a cardboard box dumpster behind the Target out on Colfax too. I used to gauge how good my night was by how much pain I was in and where I woke up. Im glad I dont do that shit anymore.
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