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Zooligan
05-08-2010, 9:49 AM
Let's hear 'em!

Here's mine. I grew up in West Virginia so I heard all the hillbilly jokes, and the wrongest joke I ever heard fits into this category. Here goes:


Q: How does a West Virginia momma tell her daughter's had her first period?


A: Her son's dick tastes funny!



OK. Let fly!

Chris300s
05-08-2010, 3:53 PM
A child molester and a 7-year old are walking into the forest. A storm begins to blow in, the sky darkens and thunder booms.
The 7-year old looks up at the child molester and says "I'm scared". "You're scared?" says the child molester. "I have to walk back out of here alone!"

primer
05-08-2010, 5:25 PM
A child molester and a 7-year old are walking into the forest. A storm begins to blow in, the sky darkens and thunder booms.
The 7-year old looks up at the child molester and says "I'm scared". "You're scared?" says the child molester. "I have to walk back out of here alone!"

You win the prize

PsYcHoBiLLyRocKeR
05-08-2010, 5:44 PM
How do you know if your kid is being molested by the daycare.....

won't take a binky without hair around it

Speedfiend
05-08-2010, 8:35 PM
Why did the dead baby cross the road?

He was stappled to the chicken.

Speedfiend
05-08-2010, 8:39 PM
Two necrophiliacs are talking about chicks. First one asks " how'd it go with that chick last night.
Number two, "ah, the cunt split on me."

Parrot76
05-08-2010, 11:16 PM
dude is walking down the beach one day and hears a young woman crying, he looks and sees quadriplegic girl laying on a beach blanket. he stops and asks..

'you ok?'

she says "im upset and lonely, ive never even been hugged by a man before"

feeling bad he reaches down, picks her up and gives her a big hug

she smiles and thanks him.


he starts to walk off feeling a little awkward and hears her crying again

he goes back and asks "whats wrong now??"

she says "ive never been kissed by a man and probably never will"

kind of irritated but still feels bad for her, he picks her up and gives her a passionate kiss. he sets her down and walks off.


he hears her crying again, and angrily says "WHAT is wrong now???"

she says " ive never been fucked before!"

so he picks her up and tosses her into the ocean

"NOW YOU'RE FUCKED"

Sawbones
05-08-2010, 11:24 PM
A family is on vacation at the Grand Canyon when the husband and wife start arguing, grab each other, and plummet off the edge of a cliff. Terrified and alone, their only child sits down at a picnic table and begins to weep. Eventually a passing sheriff spots him and pulls over to ask what's wrong. The little boy says,
"Mommy and daddy started fighting. Mommy pushed daddy, then daddy pushed mommy, then they both fell off the cliff."
The sheriff unzips his trousers and says,
"It just isn't your day, is it son?"

dalebfast
05-09-2010, 12:33 PM
It wasn't a fucking sheriff!!! What's the matter with you? It was a priest!!!!

fastestz1
05-09-2010, 2:13 PM
Heres mine
how do you get a faggot to fuck a chick........


shove 5lbs of shit up her cunt

Sawbones
05-09-2010, 4:03 PM
It wasn't a fucking sheriff!!! What's the matter with you? It was a priest!!!!

Sorry, didn't mean to screw up the retelling of your childhood.

xoldblueeyesisdeadx
05-09-2010, 6:56 PM
^^haha

oldmansporty63
05-09-2010, 7:58 PM
how do you make a woman scream twice?







fuck her up the ass, then wipe your dick on her curtains! =0

NATAS
05-09-2010, 8:08 PM
She threw the Curtains out!

Sawbones
05-09-2010, 10:13 PM
Did you know Helen Keller had a full-size dollhouse in her back yard?



Neither did she.

Sawbones
05-09-2010, 10:14 PM
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?



Because she was a woman.

Sawbones
05-09-2010, 10:15 PM
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?



You would too if your name was "NYEHNYEAMHMYEEE!!!!"

reverendpk9
05-09-2010, 11:27 PM
What is the difference between a dead baby and an apple? You don't cum on an apple before you core it peal it and eat it.

reverendpk9
05-09-2010, 11:32 PM
What is the difference between a cadillac and 10 dead hookers? I don't have a cadillac in my garage.

reverendpk9
05-09-2010, 11:34 PM
How did hellen kellers parents torture her? Put her in a round room and tell her to piss in the corner, or leave the plunger in the toilet.

mad750
05-10-2010, 1:17 AM
A woman is lying in a bed in a hospital after recently giving birth and her new born baby is asleep in the cradle beside her when the doctor walks into the room. The doctor picks up the baby, throws it in the air - letting it land on the floor. He picks it up again and throws it against the walls a couple of times before drop-kicking it out the window.
"My baby, My baby" The woman screamed with horror. "You killed my baby!".
To which the doctor replied. "Ha ha, April fools it was already dead!"

justinspace
05-10-2010, 11:19 AM
whats black and blue and hates sex?

the bitch in my trunk.

DirtBagRob
05-10-2010, 12:30 PM
how do you make a woman scream twice?







fuck her up the ass, then wipe your dick on her curtains! =0

How do you make a little kid cry twice?

Wipe your bloody dick on their teddy bear.

justinspace
05-10-2010, 2:00 PM
How do you make a little kid cry twice?

Wipe your bloody dick on their teddy bear.

ohhh fuggin gross! im going back to the hot babe thread....

killtheking
05-11-2010, 5:54 AM
what does a baby in a blender sound like??

i don't know either, i was too busy jacking off.

oldmansporty63
05-11-2010, 8:29 AM
what does a baby in a blender sound like??

i don't know either, i was too busy jacking off.

thats sooooo sick its funny! lmao

fatass
05-11-2010, 9:07 AM
A wueer finally lands a job...he goes home to tell his boyfriend, who squeals with glee. The next morning, the one with the job awakens for his first day at his new job to find his significant other in the kitchen jacking off into a bag. "What are you doing, my love?" he asks.

"I'm packing your lunch."

Sawbones
05-11-2010, 10:11 AM
What's the worst part about fucking a toddler?

Getting the blood stains out of your clown suit.

CMA406
05-11-2010, 11:33 AM
What's the worst part about fucking a toddler?

Getting the blood stains out of your clown suit.

whats the worst part about eatin bald pussy?

changin the diaper after...

killtheking
05-11-2010, 11:49 AM
you know the best part about fuckin twenty five year olds?

there's twenty on them.

Sawbones
05-11-2010, 12:38 PM
Also, how huge your cock looks in those little hands AMIRITE?

RIPshitRIOT
05-12-2010, 12:31 AM
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you fit 10 babies in a 5 gallon bucket? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.

chopped850
05-13-2010, 1:04 PM
how many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you fit 10 babies in a 5 gallon bucket? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.

roflmao!!!!!!

mad750
05-13-2010, 8:10 PM
Q: What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?





A: One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

SMChewy
05-13-2010, 8:22 PM
Not the best, but I'll throw em out there.

1. How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.

2. What's the definition of a Redneck Virgin? An ugly 8 year old that can out run her brother.

Randeezy868
05-13-2010, 8:23 PM
This could be the worst thread on any forum in the entire internet. im def laughing though.

Jcarter78
05-13-2010, 10:58 PM
What do you get when you stick a knife in a baby?






An Erection.

Jcarter78
05-13-2010, 10:59 PM
^^^ I dont even know what that means but when I heard it I felt gross ^^^

RIPshitRIOT
05-13-2010, 11:14 PM
What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? A wash machine doesn't keep calling for a week after you drop a load in it.

What's 6.9? 69 ruined by a period.

bagodonuts
05-14-2010, 12:03 AM
Whats the difference between Jews and pizza?

...pizza doesn't scream when you stick it in the oven.



heard that at temple during basic training, about as tasteless as it gets

Parrot76
05-14-2010, 9:31 AM
how did helen keller break her arm?

trying to read road signs.


what did helen keller do when she was thrown off a cliff?

she screamed her hands off

Zooligan
05-14-2010, 9:39 AM
This could be the worst thread on any forum in the entire internet. im def laughing though.

Ya think? Cuz that would be *awesome*, to have the honor of starting the worst thread anywhere ever.

Here's one I pulled form the junior high memory banks:

Q: Why doesn't Jesus eat jelly beans?

A: Cuz they keep falling through the holes in his hands!

mad750
05-14-2010, 10:26 AM
Did you know they added mass transportation in Harlem...



... They added trees.







BOOO... HISSSSSS... BOOOO... HISSSSS


Tasteless yes, appropriate for this thread... yup!

66triumph
05-14-2010, 10:36 PM
why dont jews eat snatch?


too close to the gas chamber...

mad750
05-14-2010, 10:47 PM
The Jews built a sports car to compete with the Italian sports cars.
It stops on a penny.



What is the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
Canoes tip

EnglandStGarage
05-14-2010, 11:00 PM
what's the difference between a catholic priest and acne?

one waits till your 14 to come on your face.

EnglandStGarage
05-14-2010, 11:01 PM
why does michael jackson always finish last in a race?

he likes to cum in a lil behind.

badmojo
05-14-2010, 11:45 PM
Thats so bad,hahahaha!!!

Satanic666warmaster
05-14-2010, 11:58 PM
what's the best part about fucking a pregnant chick?

the fetus gives you head.

Sawbones
05-15-2010, 12:38 AM
How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?

All of them.

bagodonuts
05-15-2010, 1:27 AM
They released Michael Jacksons last words.

he said, take me to the children's hospital.



They found out he died from food poisoning.

He ate too many 8 year old weiners.

Zooligan
05-15-2010, 7:46 AM
what's the difference between a catholic priest and acne?

one waits till your 14 to come on your face.

Heh heh heh. Love it.

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?


A: Dress her like an altar boy!


Ba dum-dum, ching.

bagodonuts
05-15-2010, 12:57 PM
How do you get a hippy pregnant?

Cum in her birkenstocks and let the flies carry it up.

SMChewy
05-15-2010, 6:28 PM
2 MJ ones and a tasteless Ethiopian joke:

On the morning Farrah Fawcett died she met St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter told her since she was such a humanitarian, God would like to grant her one wish.
Farrah thought for a minute and said, "The only thing I could ever wish for, is that all the children of the world are safe from harm."
St. Peter sent death back and told him to go get Michael Jackson.....


What did Michael Jackson and MC Donald's have in common?
They both like putting 40 year old meat in 12 year old buns....


What does an Ethiopian say when he walks past a zebra?

Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't......

Sawbones
05-16-2010, 12:47 PM
What's the fastest animal in the world?

An Ethiopian chicken


How was copper wire invented?

Someone placed a penny between two Jews.

66triumph
05-16-2010, 1:46 PM
why did Moses spend 40 years wandering the wilderness?


one of them dropped a nickel...

bagodonuts
05-16-2010, 3:36 PM
How many Jews can you fit in a volkswagon?

2 in the front 2 in the back, and 14 in the ashtray!

Frankenfab
05-16-2010, 10:35 PM
doesnt seem like anyone has hit this classic yet...

How is a fat woman similar to a moped?

They're both fun to ride until your friends see yah.

NATAS
05-16-2010, 10:43 PM
What do you call a Blonde with a runny nose?




FULL

beanhead78
05-17-2010, 5:43 AM
how do you keep a ni@@r out of your back yard?
hang one in the front.

what do you call ten mexicans holding hands in the front yard?
a spickit fence.

horse walks into a bar, bartender asks
why the long face?

a toothless beaver walks into a bar and asks " hey wheres the bar tender?"

PsYcHoBiLLyRocKeR
05-17-2010, 8:09 AM
How do you get a polish girl pregnant???

cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest

Hear about the polock who broke his arm raking leaves???

he fell out of the tree

Hear about the polock that locked his keys in the car???

Took him an hour to get his family out

turtle
05-17-2010, 6:55 PM
never knew humor was so taste less....some of these are unreal

Zooligan
05-21-2010, 8:37 AM
from Joker on shovelhead.us:

A little girl was on her way home from school one day and found 50 cents. She was pretty excited because her mom didnt have much money. She got home and showed her mom what she had found. Her mom was very excited and told her to go to the store and buy two eggs and a bottle of ketchup and they could have a good meal for supper.

The little girl went skipping down to the store and bought the items that her mom wanted. The store didnt have any bags so she was just holding on to them on the way home.

Well a guy rides by on his ol shovel with drag pipes and when he let off the gas it made a loud pop and this scared the shit out of the little girl.
She dropped both eggs and the bottle of ketchup on the ground between her feet and they all broke.

The biker heard her scream and turned around to go see what was wrong. When he got to the little girl she was crying. The biker asked her what was wrong. Still crying she points to the two broken eggs and the broke bottle of ketchup laying between her feet.

Now the biker is heart broken, he gently leans over, puts his arm around the little girl and tell her "Thats ok sweetie, it wouldnt have lived anyway, its eyes are to far apart".

unclecreepypants1977
05-26-2010, 7:30 AM
what's the worst part about being a black jew?

you gotta go to the back of the oven.


How do you get a Redneck girl to suck yer dick?

Dip it in ranch.

why do women have small feet?

so they can stand closer to the sink.

Ryanm
05-26-2010, 4:47 PM
What does someone from arkansas say after they have sex " get off me Pa yer crushin my smokes "

Whats one thing you don't want to here from your son the first time he has sex "is it always gonna hurt my butt so much"